Am I in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Emotionally abusive relationships are behaviour based, they are not physically abusive. Verbal emotional abuse is used to control another person. The abuser will use fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt and/or manipulation. There is no physical aggression, but the words used and the feelings experienced by their behaviour(s) are enough to lower your self esteem, make you doubt yourself or make you feel bad.

People in emotionally abusive relationships face verbal emotional abuse on a constant and frequent basis. The abuser might believe they are trying to guide or teach the other person, but the way they do it only leads to the other person losing their self confidence, sense or worth and self esteem. It is not that the abuser does not know how to communicate; they want to be in control of everything, which includes everything you know how to do. They intentionally use fear, guilt and humiliation to lower you to a level where they can have their way all the time. Not having control overwhelms the abuser https://outsidetheboxmom.com/7-signs-that-show-that-you-are-being-emotionally-abused/.

Emotionally abusive relationships make you feel bullied, stressed and confused. It is very easy to believe what the abuser suggests about you. You can cope with verbal emotional abuse by not believing what the abuser said and by standing up to them. When the abuser starts their abuse, start to think about positive things about yourself, things which you know are true. The abuser is only lying in order to control you and what you do. It is never your fault. It is the abuser who has to change. Emotionally abusive relationships cannot be fixed if the abuser does not wish to change. The verbal emotional abuse will always be there and could escalate to more intense behaviours. If you find yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship, it is best to get out as soon as you can.

You might not realise that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship because of the lack of physical violence. Abusive relationships are not exclusive to physical violence alone. Abuse can come in the form of verbal (name calling), financial (not being given enough money to buy what you want or to go out with friends), mental (beliefs being put down), sexual (being forced to have sex) or emotional (behaviours which make you feel bad about yourself). Verbal emotional abuse takes longer to recover from than physically abusive relationships; both are very bad to experience.

Signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship include; constantly being humiliated and criticised, you find yourself trying not to make your partner angry, being isolated from friends and family, having to constantly defend what you were doing and who you were with, you feel helpless, stressed and have a low sense of worth and lastly, your partner blames you for everything that goes wrong when it clearly cannot be your fault.

To survive verbal emotional abuse and to avoid remaining or getting into an emotionally abusive relationship try not to lose your support network. That is, do not let anyone make you isolate yourself from your friends and family. Friends and family are there to help you through any confusion or stress you might begin to feel from the abuser. They can even help you recognise the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. As soon as you lose your support network, the easier your abuser can control your emotional well being. Also, recognise the signs of verbal emotional abuse. The first time your partner tries to control you by using fear, manipulation or guilt or they freely think it is their right to humiliate and criticise you, then leave. That shows the abuser that you won’t let anyone treat you with disrespect. Do not make excuses for the abuser, they will not change. They only want to feel in control because they feel inadequate and not in control of their own life. Listen to your instincts; they will be the first to hint that you are facing verbal emotional abuse.

If you do leave an emotionally abusive relationship, avoid contact with the abuser. If the abuser tries to convince you that they have changed or won’t be abusive again, do not believe them. They have not changed and are only seeing what they have to do each time to get you back into their life. Abusers only care about themselves; they know how to manipulate you in order for you to believe they are a new person or that they are remorseful for their behaviour.